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© 2015 -19 Amanda Grace Gamsby.

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Invisible Illness

May 16, 2019

 

I had to share this from Facebook. It’s seeing things like this that makes me feel 100% certain that I’m definitely not imagining it. Other people have the exact same thing!

 

Sometimes I lay around and ask myself why I don’t just shake myself out of it - try to figure out how to psych myself up like if I could just TRULY convince myself that I’ve been making it all up, it really isn’t that bad and I just have to snap out of it and my life will be great - then I’ll have broken a mental trap that I’ve trapped myself in, and I’ll be fine after that! Goddamn yes, I want my life to be great or at least as good as it used to be, again.

 

Sometimes, I think, “Depression is causing all of my pain. If I just change my state of mind, the pain will go away.”

 

All this ever leads to is me feeling like a total lazy screwup because I have still never yet succeeded at these things.

 

I ask myself how hard I really ever tried and I conclude that however hard I THOUGHT I was trying was simply not as hard as I should be trying, if it was going to work.

 

+++

 

Image used with permission by: Alyse Ruriani / instagram: @alyserurianidesign

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